June 30, 2011: The Three Stages of Positive Engagement

In last week’s column, I reflected on what makes an encounter between two people, or two groups of people, holy. I was thinking specifically of interfaith dialogue, but the question is relevant whenever two different parties speak to each other, which is to say, all the time. I applied the Jewish paradigms of Korach, who advanced his own position without regard for the other, and of Hillel, who gave preeminence to his opponent’s position before articulating his own view. This week, I would like to offer another model for inter-religious engagement, based upon the ideas of Amy Eilberg’s Muslims and Jews in America and the practice of Rabbi Nancy Fuchs Kreimer. The model consists of three stages.

Stage 1: “Entering the Threshold.” In this stage, adherents of different religions discover areas of commonality. They delight in sharing beliefs, practices, linguistic connections, arts, music, food, etc. For example, a Jew and a Muslim might recognize together that the laws of kashrut and halal food are nearly identical, or a Jew and Christian might exclaim: “we both have the Golden Rule!”

Stage 2: “Embracing Pluralism.” In this stage, the two parties explore their differences. Each faction learns the other’s religious and historical narrative, which may sometimes conflict painfully with one’s own. Nevertheless, they remain at the table, accept their divergent perspectives, and strengthen their relationship in the face of them. For example, a Christian might recognize the anti-Semitic violence perpetrated throughout the centuries by the “deicide charge,” the claim that the Jews killed Jesus, and, by the same token, a Jew might acknowledge that the story of the Crucifixion is not just a myth, but the foundational bedrock upon which the Christian faithful structure their lives. In a less overtly religious context, a Palestinian and an Israeli might come to realize that they each hold vastly different experiences and historical memories of the events of 1948.

Stage 3: “Risking Transformation.” In this stage, each adherent reassesses and reevaluates her own beliefs and practices in light of the other. Because she has passed over to a different viewpoint and returned to her own, she is no longer the same. She appreciates that her spiritual life is not rigid, but constantly in flux in response to daily experiences and interactions. I can offer an example from personal practice. Growing up as a Jew, I used to be uncomfortable spontaneously pouring out my heart to God, while at the same time envious of Christians who spoke to Jesus as their friend. Later on, in hospital chaplaincy work, my non-Jewish peers taught me how to compose personal prayers on the spot. These days, I too sometimes find myself “having conversations” with God.

Rabbi Kreimer emphasizes that every encounter is different and should be approached on its own terms. It is not always necessary, or even warranted, to complete all three steps for the encounter to be productive. “While one might label these as stages 1, 2, and 3, as in many developmental schema, later is not necessarily better.” The underlying key principle is that positive engagement is based upon mutual trust. The more we feel valued and respected equally with each other, the more we will be willing to expose and share our differences.